Have ya ever been watching tv, or come across a life incident that was mostly insignificant- but all the sudden you burst in to tears- and really you dont get why?
I've done this often- a lot more since I have had my boys- or maybe it's just part of growing up. Maybe its the tie between leaving behind immaturity, and trying to figure out who you are in this life.
I've been struggling with who I am lately. I often think about the girl I was before I was Mom. Before I was someone's wife. I remember how I would write stories, poems, ideas on paper all night long. When I spoke to someone it was in great detail. I knew in great detail what my life would hold when "I grew up".
And its not that I am not happy- Because that is furthest from the truth- I am happier now in life than I have been in a long time. Still though, something is missing. I thought, today in church, how I should participate more. Why am I not doing more to help others in this life. I always think maybe next week- maybe when I decide what it is I can really be good at, THEN I can try to help someone. Maybe visit some elders in a hospital, maybe lead the kids in the plays at church- help here, help there. MAYBE some other time?
And it's like I am giving myself permission to not be completely happy until I fix all the inperfections about myself. My confidence, my weight, the list could go on. Why am I waiting? There will always be some inperfection.....
So I am laying in bed with Eric- And we are watching our Sunday night show- This lady is asked to be a radio host- she has no experience at this at all-- but accepts- her first segment she gets a caller, and it clicks with her, this is something that she should be doing- She is impacting others lives, and is able to let the world know her thoughts. She smiles.... But I almost tear up- Here is one of these moments. So it hits me- These moments happen when I see others fall in to thier "place" in life. No matter how small it is- they found it.
I just wish I knew what my place was- I just wish I wasn't so scared- And what am I scared of? Someone will laugh at me? I might not impact another's life in the way I am longing to? I wont be good enough?
Lately I have just been impacted by others around me. I really let them control my way through the day. Mr. negativity gets me down, makes me think its all crap- that noone cares about others- everyone is in it for themselves. Mrs. Negativity just cant get a break. The world is cold, stupid, and you just cant get ahead, no matter how hard you try. Mr. Shallow only accosiates with people that will get him ahead in life- the whole time making others feel badly about themselves so he can feel better about his self. Rumors, gossip.... It's so easy to get caught up in.
Truth is I can see myself in all these people.
And I wonder why I am tired at the end of the night. My mind races all day- Whats right, whats wrong?
I just want to be me. I just want to take risks, and if I fall, realize that bruises go away- and if not, it might just be a beautiful scar- reminding me that I took that risk.
I just want that moment- I want the ah ha! I've done it. I am where I am supposed to be.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
The Past is NOT Who We Are.....
Hello to all my friends and family. I hope this finds you in good health and doing well.
Most of you that know me, know that I tend to smile a lot- and try my hardest to keep things upbeat and keep others smiling.
There are days when I am down, too, though. Days where I am a little depressed, or anxious. Luckily my personality permits me to snap out of it in very little time.
Today was one of those days for me. I was really down, for allowing myself to eat all the good foods I wanted this weekend and have a few drinks with friends. I am trying to accept the fact that I had a good time, and that is that. Now time to get back on track. But I allow myself to fall off track too often- and thats why I get angry with myself. I should've planned better- I KNEW what was ahead, and even warned myself that I needed a game plan. But then gave myself permission to ruin all the hard work from earlier in the week. Now I am depressed about it- and angry- and guess what? I would like to not go to my weight watchers meeting tonight, because I know I will have to face a gain- face the fact that I was NOT successful this week.
This was just an example I wanted to throw out there. For many of you, it may be something else that throws a lil negativity in to your life.
So just as I am wallowing in self pity- I hear something that was PERFECT for me to hear at this time. I was listening to Bob & Sheri on the radio, and they had Sonia Ricotti on the program. She was talking about the law of attraction. I LOVE this sort of talk, because I believe in it. I also believe that I turned the station just in time to hear this- because it is what I needed to hear at the time.
Of course they were talking about how positive energy attracts postive energy, and then negative would attract negative. You should be careful who your friends are, because if you are hanging around with some one that is very negative they will constantly be bringing you down. This is in fact true, and there isn't anyone out there that can tell me it is not. Fortunately, I surround myself with tons of friends that are positive and upbeat.
All of the discussion made sense to me, and really, it was just commen sense to me. But what REALLY struck a cord for me was when they stated a quote from Sonia's new book- The Law of Attraction, Plain and Simple: Create the Extraordinary Life That You Deserve.
It was stated that "The past is NOT who we are, it is who we WERE." Seems really simple doesn't it? But it put a knot in my stomach. I realized right there that I would be sending out this email to share with others. We all, or majority of us, carry around this burden of the past. Something we did that we are not proud of. It allows us to kind of cower down, and not reach full potential, as if we do not deserve it.
For me I believe it was when Eric and I got pregnant before we were married, not once, but twice. As if I did not know better? Not only did I let myself down, I feel like it let my parents down. As a parent now, I know what our children do, we see as a direct reflection of ourselves. BUT, I was not raised to make that kind of choice. I KNEW better. And some how I have allowed this moment of my life to affect everything else I do, or have done from then on- even if unconciously.
I realize that sometimes I think I am not as good as someone else because I have made these bad choices in the past. I realize now that this is probably the reason that someone can convince I am wrong so easily, even when I am completely right.
So I have put out there a few of my many mistakes in life, hoping to get a point across to others.
We are all worth the opportunities presented to us in life. Do not be afraid to take them, just because you have failed in the past.
The past is NOT who we are.
Love to you all & many blessings!!
Jeannie
Most of you that know me, know that I tend to smile a lot- and try my hardest to keep things upbeat and keep others smiling.
There are days when I am down, too, though. Days where I am a little depressed, or anxious. Luckily my personality permits me to snap out of it in very little time.
Today was one of those days for me. I was really down, for allowing myself to eat all the good foods I wanted this weekend and have a few drinks with friends. I am trying to accept the fact that I had a good time, and that is that. Now time to get back on track. But I allow myself to fall off track too often- and thats why I get angry with myself. I should've planned better- I KNEW what was ahead, and even warned myself that I needed a game plan. But then gave myself permission to ruin all the hard work from earlier in the week. Now I am depressed about it- and angry- and guess what? I would like to not go to my weight watchers meeting tonight, because I know I will have to face a gain- face the fact that I was NOT successful this week.
This was just an example I wanted to throw out there. For many of you, it may be something else that throws a lil negativity in to your life.
So just as I am wallowing in self pity- I hear something that was PERFECT for me to hear at this time. I was listening to Bob & Sheri on the radio, and they had Sonia Ricotti on the program. She was talking about the law of attraction. I LOVE this sort of talk, because I believe in it. I also believe that I turned the station just in time to hear this- because it is what I needed to hear at the time.
Of course they were talking about how positive energy attracts postive energy, and then negative would attract negative. You should be careful who your friends are, because if you are hanging around with some one that is very negative they will constantly be bringing you down. This is in fact true, and there isn't anyone out there that can tell me it is not. Fortunately, I surround myself with tons of friends that are positive and upbeat.
All of the discussion made sense to me, and really, it was just commen sense to me. But what REALLY struck a cord for me was when they stated a quote from Sonia's new book- The Law of Attraction, Plain and Simple: Create the Extraordinary Life That You Deserve.
It was stated that "The past is NOT who we are, it is who we WERE." Seems really simple doesn't it? But it put a knot in my stomach. I realized right there that I would be sending out this email to share with others. We all, or majority of us, carry around this burden of the past. Something we did that we are not proud of. It allows us to kind of cower down, and not reach full potential, as if we do not deserve it.
For me I believe it was when Eric and I got pregnant before we were married, not once, but twice. As if I did not know better? Not only did I let myself down, I feel like it let my parents down. As a parent now, I know what our children do, we see as a direct reflection of ourselves. BUT, I was not raised to make that kind of choice. I KNEW better. And some how I have allowed this moment of my life to affect everything else I do, or have done from then on- even if unconciously.
I realize that sometimes I think I am not as good as someone else because I have made these bad choices in the past. I realize now that this is probably the reason that someone can convince I am wrong so easily, even when I am completely right.
So I have put out there a few of my many mistakes in life, hoping to get a point across to others.
We are all worth the opportunities presented to us in life. Do not be afraid to take them, just because you have failed in the past.
The past is NOT who we are.
Love to you all & many blessings!!
Jeannie
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